Marriage Monday, The eternal debate of Valentine’s Day

First off, I have to say that I am incredibly spoiled to being with. I have a husband who is willing to buy me anything I could ever want (as long as we can afford it lol) and who is willing to go through a lot of trouble, even moving, to make me happy!

This Valentine’s day I said all I wanted was for all the pieces in the puzzle to finally fit together and for us to be able to relax, settle down and move forward in life. I don’t ask for to much right =). I also have been searching for a wedding band since we got married… so about a year and a half now… and I either find one I really like that is 30,000 dollars or I can’t find one at all. We were shopping for what I think is a pretty great Valentine’s day present to ourselves, New Bedding! Which I am completely happy with. Seriously there is nothing better then getting into your bed and feeling like you are on a cloud! But anyway, we decided to stop at the Jewelry store on the way home and I found a gorgeous sapphire and diamond ring that looks really pretty with my solitaire, so he bought it for me and I was able to pick it up yesterday! It’s the first wedding band that I have actually worn since we got married. I haven’t been able to find one that is comfortable enough for me to wear all the time. But I found it, here it is! =)

That isn’t really why I started writing… I started writing because out of all the people I know, I have to say there is a big divide. They either go all out and celebrate Valentine’s Day allllll day or completely boycott it out of their world. Both I think are kind of extreme. I feel like I get spoiled all the time so having an extra day doesn’t really feel necessary for me. I really enjoy reading the cards my husband picks out, he is really good at pickings that say exactly what I need to hear at the time. I know all you guys out there are gonna hate me for saying it, but taking the time to pick out a card and write a note inside means more to me personally then any flower or piece of jewelry out there. It really is the little things. Through out our hectic lives we often don’t take time to pay attention to those little things so I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a day to remind us of what it’s important… not the flowers or chocolate which both are great, but what it is we are doing what we are doing, why we chose to be with the person we are with or why we are taking time out for ourselves. Wherever you are in life, it’s important to take time and think about why we are where we are.

I know I am really bad at remembering to give those words of affirmation to my husband, to say thank you really for all the amazing things you do for me and how much I appreciate them, so I am very open to having a day to remind me to do those things and an excuse to be cheesey and mushy because we all need to hear that we are wanted, loved, and appreciated it. Those things can NEVER get old! Just because men may not be the absolute best at showing their feelings or expressing their needs, the little ego boosts and reminders that they are important in providing for us really goes a long way!

I understand the point of view of those who boycott Valentine’s Day, I really do… and I completely agree, that we should show our love and appreciate every day… but really lets face it… we are a society that is all about me, and remembering to share with our loved ones those important words and actions of affirmation doesn’t happen to often.

Sometimes we feel that we are showing our spouses how much we love them, but the way we are doing do is like a foreign language to them and our acts of love of words of affirmation are not getting heard, which leaves the other feeling a bit low in the love tank. We have to learn each others love languages, which can be really challenging, and does take time. I think that it’s an ongoing process and never really stops evolving. I know I struggled a lot with this at the beginning. My love language is acts of love, choosing to do the dishes after I cook a meal shows me you love me and appreciate what I made, taking time to pick up a few things around the house says I value what you do and want to help because I love you… acts of love speak to me more then any materialistic thing and even sometimes words of affirmation. I still need to hear that you appreciate me and love me but showing me says a whole lot more…. and having a husband who loves to buy me things often left me feeling unloved because those gifts weren’t my love language and the communication was getting lost so I read a book shortly after I had gotten married and I wish it could be a book that all couples have to read before getting engaged, and even if you aren’t in a relationship it still should be a book you read.  It’s called The 5 Love Languages,     It’s written by a Christian author, but do not let that deter you from reading it if that is not your faith!

So this Valentine’s Day even if you are normally one who boycotts it, I challenge you to learn your own love language and the love language of your partner and make an effort to show them you love them in a way that they understand! =) I know I will be working hard today and tomorrow to make my husband understand how loved and important he is, which I am guilty of not telling him nearly enough!

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